This just in: Experts are expressing concern about
a likely shortage of National Party policy this winter.
“The National Party policy pool quite often runs dry,”
says policy consultant Nigel Strange, “but most years
they manage to dredge up something that more or
less passes muster. This year I’m afraid they’re
scraping rock bottom.”
National Party policy traditionally relies on a light
drizzle of ideas that, while erratic and often
insufficient to stimulate intelligent life, goes some
way towards filling the yawning crater of caucus,
from which the party usually draws sustenance.
Unfortunately, not one worthwhile idea has landed
on caucus this year, leading to a dramatic drop in
mental activity. Most parts of the caucus have been
without brain for at least three months.
Dr Strange advises voters not to panic, because it is
not clear, he says, that an increase in National Party
policy would in fact make any difference to the
country’s well-being. There is also, he adds, an
element of risk after such a drought: anyone spotting
an original National Party idea should proceed with
caution, as conditions may be extremely slippery.